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Out with the Old, in with the New |
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You have made the transition. You were divorced, and now you're remarried. Yet if you're like many people, the old relationship continues to lurk in the background, a ghost of the past. How can you reconcile your new life with the past? How can you put things in context? How can you continue to learn from your previous marriage, yet leave it behind? |
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If you're a parent, of course, your ex will continue to be actively involved in your life through his or her relationship with the kids. If you have remarried, hopefully, you will have passed through the stages of separation; you will have worked through the anger to establish an ongoing, cooperative coparenting relationship. Now that you are remarried, you will not need to turn to your ex for intimacy, but you'll remain friends. |
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If you have no children, of course, you simply must let go. The important thing, for you, will be remembering that your new spouse is an individual in his or her own right. Do not project the foibles of your old spouse onto situations involving the new. |
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Remember, the best way to prevent history from repeating itself is to understand that history. Try to be as objective and as honest with yourself as you can. Know that life happens; but you also can make it happen and, to a great extent, direct its course. There is a lot of collective experience out there. You only have to listen, learn, and apply all our lessons to your own life. If you're familiar with the Magic School Bus series, just remember the overriding life philosophy: Take chances! Make mistakes! Get messy! Have fun! |
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