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thought would be a short hiatus from the marriage. She never imagined that during this break she would experience a return of self-esteem, enthusiasm, and even joy. |
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This brief separation was just what she needed to realize she could go it alone over the long haul. |
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As we've already said, it only makes sense that the person who initiated the divorce comes to embrace single life sooner; that individual has been living with the decision for quite a while. Given this fact, the individual who has initiated the divorce action should see the period of separation as a means of providing his or her partner with time. Even though you may be saying, Okay, we're going to end the relationship. Let's get working on the terms of the separation. Let's see if we can mediate this, your partner is still reeling from the pain. At first, he or she will not be nearly as ready to negotiate the terms of the agreementcertainly not in any sense that could be favorable to you. |
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If you have been rejected by your spouse, on the other hand, use the separation period to help yourself heal. As you go through the stages of grief, you will come to see yourself as a solo act. You may need to utilize this time to brush up on job skills, gain self-confidence, or simply come to know yourself as an individual who stands alone. You'll know you have arrived when you, too, can say, Okay, I can see our incompatibility. This needs to end. At this point, I, too, would choose to end this relationship and go on in a new direction. |
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Remember, the process is painful. If you are like most people, you will not pass through the emotional gauntlet of separation quickly. Typically, say psychologists, the first year following separation is most difficult. During this period, you're most prey to |
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