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first to join the march. Her boss fired a friend, and she quit, too. Yet now that passion has turned to venomand it has turned on you. Whenever you leave your coat in the living room or whenever you disagree with her politics or her taste in film, her eyes widen in anger, and before you know it, a book or shoe has flown across the room. You would like to work it out, but she wants a divorce. What, if anything, can you do? |
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You thought you would be faithful forever, but suddenly, at the cusp of middle age, you have fallen in love. The new object of your affections is irreverent, exciting, forever into something exotic or new. An insatiable world traveler, he's spent years abroad, with extended periods in São Paulo, Jerusalem, Osaka, and Madrid. A jack-of-all trades, he's worked as a photographer, gardener, stock broker and nowin his latest incarnationmasseur. Oh, those massages! It's wonderful now, of course, but will you really abandon your reliable, loving husband, the father of your children, for this? |
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The decision to divorce is never easy and, as anyone who has been through it will tell you, this wrenching, painful experience can leave scars on adults as well as children for years. Therefore, before you and your spouse decide to call it quits, consider whether your marriage can be saved. |
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Colorado Psychologist Mitchell Baris, who works specifically with the divorced and the divorcing, has some definite guidelines for those wrestling with this difficult issue. When is it possible, through diligent hard work in counseling, to save a marriage? And when is it generally impossible? When, despite the kids, are you doing the right thing to throw in the towel? |
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There are, of course, many reasons for divorce, including sexual infidelity, a lack of interest, a difference in values, and even abuse. When are these chasms just too wide to bridge? When can bridges be mended and relationships restored? |
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The decision to divorce is personal, states Dr. Baris. But I think the point of no return comes with the loss of respect and trust. Those two feelings are particularly difficult to rekindle. Trust can be built back, but it takes years. Often if trust and respect are gone, rebuilding the marriage is hopeless. |
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Dr. Baris also feels it may be difficult to rebuild a marriage when the animosity between two people builds to the breaking point. |
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I find couples are most likely to split when the intensity of negativity between them escalates. One couple, for instance, fought relentlessly about their son's bedtime, his eating habits, the duties of the cleaning service they had hired, and even the cable TV billshe wanted the Sci Fi Channel, and he wanted no extras on the tab except for ESPN and HBO. |
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