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8. If things get too emotional, step back. Maybe you and your spouse have met with the best intentions, but before you know it, you're back to the old routine that never got you anywhere in your marriage. Break for a few minutes or a few days before trying to hammer out an agreement again. |
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9. Don't expect more than you would have had if you had stayed married. Some spouses suddenly forget when getting divorced, that they were married to the man who blew his paycheck every few weeks at the race track. When there's a missed support check, they're shocked. Or, the two of you decided to put a lot of money into your house over the years. Suddenly, your spouse is shocked that there are no savings. |
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Remember, getting divorced does not turn Cinderella into the prom queen or a frog into a prince. If you negotiate in good faith but lose track of who you are dealing with on the other side of the table, you could be in for disappointment. |
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10. Give up if you're getting nowhere. Maybe you've met alone, maybe with lawyers, maybe with a priest or an accountant, and you've agreed on nothing. It might be time to move on to the next step, which could be a trial in front of a judge. Some spouses need to be told, by a judge, the way it's going to be. |
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In one case, the father would not voluntarily relinquish custody of the children (teenagers who wanted to live with their mother) no matter what. If a judge had told him he had to let them go, though, he would have complied. |
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As it turned out, the case did not go to the court. The lawyers finally worked out an agreement without using the word custody. The children stayed with their mother during the week and with their father most weekends. The father could live with that because, technically, both parties still had custody. |
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The Cost of a Quick Divorce |
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Many couples we know have gotten their divorce for the cost of the court filing fees (usually under $300) and some photocopies. Others still needed a lawyer to work out the language of an agreement setting out their rights and responsibilities, tallying up costs of some $3,000 between the two of them. |
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In general, the less work the lawyers have to do, the cheaper your divorce will be. |
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Even without a trial, if you have important issues to resolve, it's best to have a written agreement that you and your spouse can sign. The lawyer will draft that agreement, go |
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