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3. If one of you does not want the divorce, mediation doesn't stand a chance. |
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4. If you do not know the value of assets in your marriagepension plans, a businessor you're not even sure what's there, mediation is probably not for you. The reason: The mediator lacks any authority to make one of you reveal assets to the other. An attorney lacks that authority, too, but he or she can go to a judge. The judge, in turn, can render a ruling requiring your spouse to reveal assets. The judge can penalize your spouse for refusing to cooperate, or worse, for lying. The mediator has no such power. |
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5. If you're trying mediation but you feel the mediator is siding with your spouse, you should stop the process. Maybe you're being paranoid; it doesn't matter. When one of you has lost confidence, you should each retain a lawyer. |
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6. Mediators do not have attorney-client privilege. That means that anything you tell the mediator can later come out in court. If you have secrets that impact on your case, you should probably avoid mediation (or keep the secrets to yourself). |
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Mary Pauling found herself in that situation not long ago. She and her husband George decided to use mediation because friends had used it, and it worked for them. Each was in love with someone else, and there were no hard feelings. They had a four-year-old son, Evan, and they'd decided Mary would have custody. The only issue was the amount of support George would pay. |
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At the second session, before George arrived, Mary confided to the mediator that Evan was actually her boyfriend's son, not George's. The mediator felt obligated to share this information with George, because it would have enormous impact on whether he even wanted to see Evan again, let alone provide for his support. Mary left before George arrived and hired a lawyer the next day, but that was a day too late. Had Mary gone to an attorney in the first place and made the same confession, the attorney could not have revealed that information without her consent. |
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7. If your case is very simple, it may not pay to use a mediator because attorneys will have to review the agreement anyway, and you might be better off just starting out with those attorneys. Remember, mediation is useful when there are unresolved issues between you and your spouse. If there are no issues, you might as well go straight to lawyers to draft the agreement. |
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Unfortunately, there are no standards for mediators, and in most states, anyone can hang a shingle and call him- or herself a mediator. Your state or city may have an organization |
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