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A mediator will often start the process by asking you to write out your goalwhat you would like to come away with. You will be asked to anticipate such problem areas as custody or support. And you may be asked to set forth your assets and liabilities in a sworn (notarized) statement, just as you would have done with an attorney. This gives all involved a clear idea of what you're dealing with and how far apart you really are. |
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The mediator will work with both of you to help you divide assets, allocate support, and resolve custodial or any other disputes. The mediator should not be advocating for one side or the other, but should be helping you both by noting where compromise might work, or by coming up with new ideas for possible problem solving. |
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If, at any point during the process, you don't like the way things are going, feel free to consult with an attorney. But if you find you need to consult with your lawyer more than once in a rare while, you may be better off stopping the mediation and just using the attorney. After all, why pay for two professionals? |
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In any event, after you resolve all the issues, the mediator will draft a written agreement and suggest that you have it reviewed by an attorney. He or she will want to make sure that all possible issues have been covered. For example, some people don't realize they're entitled to part of their spouse's pension. Maybe the mediator overlooked this, or maybe you discussed it, but you decided to waive any right to the pension. Either way, your lawyer should point out your rights and suggest that you pursue them or waive them in writing. |
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After the agreement has been reviewed by the attorney of both spouses, one of the attorneys will probably draft other documents necessary to actually get you a divorce in your state. (Sometimes couples get divorce kitsprinted by publishers of legal documentsand complete this paperwork themselves.) |
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Can you go through the mediation process without ever using a lawyer? Possibly. But if you had enough issues to see a mediator, you're probably better off spending a little more on an attorney and making sure that everything is okay. |
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If you dislike the result of your mediation, DON'T SIGN THE AGREEMENT. Say that you and your spouse have just spent four months and $1,500 on mediation and, as the process nears an end, you just don't feel comfortable. Perhaps you even feel the agreement is being shoved down your throat. Maybe you began to feel the mediator was siding with your spouse from the beginning, but you were afraid to say anything, or you feel as though your spouse is pulling a fast one. |
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