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gestures to give a story a sense of place. The only benefit you as a conversationalist have over a manual or memo is animation. Use it. |
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Tip 30: Learn to self-disclose. |
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People feel loyal to you only when you are willing to let them get to know you. They can't like someone they don't know. |
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If you consider the closest, most meaningful relationships you have in the workplace, they are based most often on self-disclosure. Those initial conversations and invitations are often overt: "Let's spend some time together after workI'd like to get to you know you better." Or: "Well, I've told you my life story. Tell me about yourself. You have family? . . ." |
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Practice disclosure by sharing facts about yourselfwhere you work, projects you handle, hobbies you enjoy, trips you've taken, sales you've lost. The subject doesn't matter as much as the fact that you're willing to share information about yourself. Over time and with practice, you'll gradually feel at ease when sharing values, opinions, and goals. The relationship will develop accordingly. |
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That, of course, doesn't mean in every conversation you're going to have the energy to unload. If a friend self-discloses and you fail to do so, that friend may feel suddenly you're no longer interested. He or she feels imbalance in the conversation. Therefore, when you're too tired or preoccupied to share mutually, at least let the friend know it's a lack of time or energy rather than unconcern. |
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And don't think the self-disclosing necessarily makes you more vulnerable to attack and hurt. Just the opposite is true. Self-disclosure can bring you the protection of friendship and loyalty from those who come to understand and appreciate your values, ideas, and intentions. Emotional distance creates mental illness. To disclose improves your mental health. |
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Tip 31: Confess your weaknesses. |
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If you want to be approachable, you have to present yourself as human. You have to be willing to let others see your weaknesses and your blunders. If you admit a weakness, you demonstrate to the other person that you trust that person to keep your secret. That friend, in turn, will feel he or she can trust you with personal confidences. Under this principle, I've heard people owning up to eating a whole pie, losing a deal because of arriving too late for a meeting, and not liking their moody teenagers. Rather than pounce on such secrets, most people will take a peak at your deficiencies and then help you hide them you so you'll not be embarrassed. Your willingness to appear openly before others allows them to identify with you as a kindred human being. |
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