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Tip 440: Attend with your entire body. |
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As part of an exercise in our communication workshops, we have a participant-speaker address the group. Then, while that speaker goes out of the room to prepare, we ask the group to help with a little demonstration that the speaker doesn't know he or she is a part of. We ask the audience to give the speaker a couple minutes to warm up and then to start to act disinterested. Some people lean forward with their head propped in their hand, resting on an elbow. Others lean back in their chairs, hands behind their heads. Some shuffle through purses or pocketbooks for a mysterious item. Others began to gaze out the window. Most break eye contact with the speaker. Nothing is overtly rude, just subtle. |
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In less than a minute's time, the speaker gets flustered and even angry, totally unaware of what the audience has been instructed to do. When they begin to see the signs of inattention, some speakers will began to talk faster and faster and louder and louder. Others will stop, start again, stop, then lose their train of thought completely. Some will begin to pace around the room more feverishly and gesture more dynamically. They don't know exactly what or why, but they understand that people are no longer listening. The experience dramatically illustrates for the group the importance of a listener's attentive body language. |
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People want you to sit or stand in an alert position, lean toward them, stop rummaging with your paperwork, and look at them when they talk to you. Your whole body has to listen. |
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Tip 441: Invite people to talk by commenting on their body language. |
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Shy people may need encouragement to talk to you, particularly when they're unsure if you'd be interested in what they have to say. A good way to communicate to them "Hey, it's okay, I'm ready to listen" is to comment on their body language and then listen to their response: "You look puzzled." "You look excitedyour eyes are flashing." "What a smilewhat gives?" "Lost your best friend or your dog? You look down.'' Although the person may not take your cue, he or she has had an open invitation to respond with meaningful conversation. |
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Tip 442: Play "What if" to encourage reflection. |
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Have you ever had a coworker come into your work area and say, "Hey, I got a problem. I need some help." Then as she starts telling you the problem, she suddenly says, "Wait a minute. That's an idea. Never mind," and dashes out. She has solved her own problem by just hearing herself talk about it. |
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