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Tip 41: Recognize the implications of what's not said. |
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"You really did a superb job this time" can bring questions about what was wrong with the job completed last month. When you congratulate people for accomplishments, consider who in the meeting didn't receive congratulations. A male office manager insists that he no longer comments on new hairdos because he once supervised 44 female employees where he made the mistake of offering a compliment to one in the presence of another. |
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Tip 42: Use silence to your advantage. |
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If you don't want to commit yourself with an oral response, you can use silence to mask your own opinions or emotions. With practice, you can gain attention with silence (by a long pause before you respondone that builds suspense and adds weight to what follows), or you can avoid attention with silence (by accepting, as if you've "moved on" mentally). Silence can build intimacy. Only when people don't know each other well are they uncomfortable with silence between their exchanges. People who feel intimate with each other understand silence as a "communion of thought." |
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Comfortable silence gives you time to reflect on what has been said, to make a decision, to change the subject, to create psychological distance with the past and get ready to move on mentally. Silence is a very versatile conversational tool. |
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Tip 43: Eliminate contradictory body language and words. |
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Your customer asks you if you can expedite the order "this one time," and you grimace while saying yes. Your colleague asks if you've got time to lend an ear about a problem that person is having closing a sale. You say, "Okay, yeah, sure" while glancing at your watch and fidgeting with the papers on your desk. Your boss asks if you're sure you can have the report finished by 5 o'clock. You say it'll be no problem while sighing heavily, running your fingers through your hair, and then beginning to massage your temples as if you've got a splitting headache. Either say what you mean, or act out what you mean. But don't make the messages contradictory. |
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Tip 44: Check for the hidden agenda before you bite hook, line, and sinker. |
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Does the other person's body language support or contradict the words? If so, why would he or she want to conceal the truth? Does this person's mes- |
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