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sage contradict common sensecontradict what the person has said or done in the past? Does this person seem to be beating around the bush with a small stick rather than landing it in the middle? Do you have a "gut feeling"racing heart, sweaty palms, knots in the stomach, dry mouth, tense shoulders, a pounding headache? If so, your body is telling you to look behind the words. |
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Tip 45: Believe body language over words. |
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Others' body language can cancel their words, but their words can never override their body language. Unless they're superb actors, the body language gives the true picture. |
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Tip 46: Don't polarize people. |
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Some people seem to get great joy out of driving a wedge between people rather than bringing them together. They bring up controversial issues in cocktail-party circles. They play devil's advocate in every meeting and recruit associate demons to side with them. They pass on thoughtless comments that one group or person said to the group spoken about"just to make them aware." This person's mission in life is to cause division; as a result, he or she usually gets knee-jerk reactions and decisions based on emotion rather than on solid thinking. |
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Tip 47: Voice your disagreement after, not before, asking the other person's reasons for his or her opinion. |
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If someone expresses an opinion and you immediately express an opposing view, you both lose. Why? Because the person who first expressed an opinion will often consider your contradiction rude or the beginning of an argument. A typical response will be for the person to refer to the earlier statement and begin delineating reasons as support. |
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You both win, however, if you hear an opinion with which you disagree and then ask immediately for that person to elaborate on the reasons behind that opinion. Then, if you feel comfortable with the situation, you can state that you hold a different opinion, giving your reasons. At the end of the conversation both of you will have learned something about the other side and neither will feel as though you've had an argument/disagreement. |
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Quite possibly, if you had stated your disagreement early on, the other person would have simply kept quiet, preventing a valuable exchange of ideas. |
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