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Tip 48: Bring up a "Touchy" subject only with a warning. |
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Prepare people with some lead-in like, "I know this isn't a popular topic and some of you don't want to make a commitment one way or the other, but . . ." or "I know most of us hate prejudice in all its forms and it's not my intention to pinpoint . . ." or "Some people definitely do not share my concerns about X, but I want to express them anyway. . . .'' |
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Otherwise, with such an abrupt change of subjectsa touchy one at thatothers may "pop off" and embarrass themselves or "can" you in the process. |
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Tip 49: Use indirectness to test the waters before diving in. |
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Toss out a comment indirectly, get the other person's reaction, and then go ahead with the comment or claim that you were unclear about your meaning. It's a face-saving ploy to get the other person to commit attitude, feelings, or opinions first. |
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Tip 50: Avoid dogmatic pronouncements. |
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"That's not the way it happened at all." "You're being ridiculous." "You can't do that." "Are you crazy?" "Everybody knows that . . ." "That'll do no good at all." "You're wrong." "That's not true." "You misunderstood." Such statements make enemies of friends or followers. |
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Tip 51: Consider "I" messages to make others less defensive. |
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If I say to you, "You're wrong about that contract!" you'd likely be taken aback and feel defensive. If, on the other hand, I say, "I disagree with your interpretation of that contract," you're likely to respond: "Oh, where?" or "Well, you're entitled to your opinion and I'm entitled to mine." |
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If the store owner says to the customer, "You must sign this agreement before we will process the order," the customer may respond, "Oh, yeah? I don't have to do anything with your paperwork. I can walk out of here." But if the store owner says, "I need to have this paperwork signed so that our processors can set up the delivery date," the typical customer will respond internally, "Okay, I need to sign it if I want to get delivery without a hassle." |
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The difference between an "I" message and a "you" message sounds enormous. |
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