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intend to give constructive criticism rather than destructive criticism to the person needing to hear what we have to say. The true measure of giving successful criticism, however, is not intentions but results. The other person can't see intentions; he or she hears only the words. The following guidelines can help you match words to your intentions. |
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Tip 575: Identify your motive for criticizing. |
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Positive reasons for criticizing include commitment to and concern for another person and a sense of responsibility to have things done "right." Negative reasons for criticizing include poor self-esteem and the resulting attempt to build yourself up at someone else's expense or as a defense or excuse for your own failures. If those two statements can't help you sort out motives, try the following, more detailed checklist: |
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Will this criticism make you look better? |
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Will you enjoy or dread giving this criticism? |
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Do you want to demoralize the other person? |
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Do you want to condemn or guide? |
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Do you want resolution or more conflict? |
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Is the issue a personal matter with you? |
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Do you criticize habitually? |
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Are you open or manipulative in your comments? |
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Do you feel critical simply because you're in a bad mood or feeling depressed? |
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Are you the best one to give this criticism? |
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Are you giving the criticism to appease some third party? |
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If you don't like the answers to any of these questions, consider waiting to give the criticism until your motives are clear. |
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Tip 576: Check for criticism preferences. |
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When you're beginning a long-term relationshipeither as a family member or as a boss-employeehave a frank discussion. Ask if the other person anticipates making any mistakes over the next few months or years. Most people, of course, will admit to that probability, usually with levity. Ask them, then, how they'd like to handle the criticism or feedback. Would they prefer you be direct or use a softer, less-direct approach? Would they prefer you wait until the end of the day or talk early in the morning? Would they prefer you talk on site or talk away from the office or home? |
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