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In other words, focus on the positive aspects of what an open discussion will bring to the table. These are your incentives that will give you confidence with what might be an uncomfortable discussion. |
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Tip 583: Consider the negative results of the exchange: Mental and emotional outlook, time involved to help with the change, probability of effecting a change, a severed relationship. |
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Forget trying to change the people who are manipulative and maliciously destructive, those with a conflict in values, those without the mental capacity to master a task, those addicted to drugs, and those with mental problems and low self-esteem. These mental and emotional problems indicate that the time spent in criticizing will be fruitless. These people either can't or won't change. |
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A second concern is time: Do you want to spend the time it will take them to change? Finally, will your help produce the change? Ask yourself how many times this person has probably heard the same criticism? Has he or she done anything about it? |
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The answers to these questions will tell you whether your time and effort will pay off. If not, withhold the criticism and either figure out how you can minimize contact with this individual or how you can get your work done without this person at all. |
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Tip 584: Consider whether you could foster the same change with praise rather than criticism. |
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After you have determined that there are positive reasons to go through with the criticism, use one last screen: Could you get the same effect with praise? Without setting up a phony situation, could you entice the person to do a particular thing differently by rewarding or praising the desired behavior as opposed to criticizing the less-than-desirable behavior? |
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Tip 585: Make sure you're not doing the same things you're criticizing. |
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We tend to react to attitudes, weaknesses, or traits in others that we dislike in ourselves. And the receiver of any criticism will be the first to point out any inconsistencies. |
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