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and appearances that create rumors. "Get a hold of Keith and tell him I want to see him in my office before he goes home today" said in an angry tone to your secretary may be a broadcast to the world. At the least, Keith will probably know the secretary knows and will fear others have overheard the edict also. |
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The humiliation of being confronted in front of peers or customers will shut down any and all communication lines. |
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Tip 590: Avoid beginning with a trapping question. |
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Do you remember your father asking you at the dinner table, "Johnny, how many times have I told you not to leave your bike in the driveway?" Did he really want to know how many times? Of course not. And even if you smarted off with 2349 times, that wasn't the point anyway. |
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Workplace versions of those childhood trapping questions sound like these: "Do you think this product is going to sell itself?" Or: "How many times have we discussed in staff meetings the importance of taking complete phone messages?" Or: "Do you recall my warning you earlier that you need to watch the tax consequences of these revenues monthly?" |
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A trapping question produces only a defensive stance. And more important, you'll be discussing the answer to that question rather than the real issue and solution. |
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Tip 591: Remove threats from the criticism. |
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A threat sets up a condition about continuing the relationship or creates fear about consequences and future work. When a person fears, he freezes. No one performs best in fearful conditions. Thinking becomes muddled. Timing becomes questionable. Tempers flare. |
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Tip 592: Avoid an I-told-you-so tone. |
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When tempted to use this tone, remind yourself of the implication. Such a tone confirms the correctness of your own position rather than focuses on change in another's behavior. It says: "I was right all along." A more productive focus is: "I'd like you to be right in the future; so in order to do that, you need to change." |
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Granted, you are not trying to create a pleasant, happy atmosphere; criticism delivered in that tone would be perceived as phony. But you can be straightforward, businesslike, direct. |
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