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Tip 639: Ask yourself if others have made the same observations. |
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Before disregarding someone's criticism as unfounded, consider whether you've heard the same comments from other sources. If your boss has commented on your "procrastinating with your projects," has your spouse also complained that you've been promising to clean out the garage since last summer? Have your kids complained that you keep saying you'll take them to the ballpark but never find time? Has the United Way chairperson called several times to ask for the list of names on your subcommittees? Does the paper carrier have to come by two or three times each month to collect your payment? Do you have late charges assessed for overdue bills? Have colleagues "gone ahead on their own" while waiting for you "to get back to them"? Take a hint. |
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Tip 640: Agree with the criticism. |
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Yes, sometimes we say or do inappropriate things and if we're honest, we'll have to agree when someone comments on them. The boss says, "You're late with your status report again." Kelly responds: "You're right. It was due last Friday. I always seem to try to make a few more appointments on Friday than I can realistically handle and then wind up with insufficient time to do the report at the end of the day." The conversation will probably end there. The other person often just wants acknowledgment that there is a problem and that you accept responsibility. |
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If, however, Kelly responds: "Yeah, it was late, but I was just trying to make a few more calls. You want us to meet quota on the calls, don't you?" the boss would probably respond, "Yes, but this report has nothing to do with meeting quota. We've got to have the report for planning purposes. Other people manage to get theirs in on time." And the conversation would have escalated from there. |
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What could be simpler? State that you agree with the essence of what was said (even if you don't agree with the comments in their entirety), and state what you will do differently. The pressure is off immediately. The other person doesn't feel compelled to keep pointing out the problem, and you don't feel compelled to keep refuting it and losing credibility. |
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A second way you can agree is to state that you understand what the other person is saying. This doesn't mean you agree with what that person has said; it means you have listened well. "Okay, I think I know where you're coming from. You've seen me reprimand two or three of my telemarketers for forgetting to mention this month's special and you think I don't give enough praise because you've never heard me comment on what they do well. Is that what you're saying?" Get their confirmation that you have correctly interpreted their comments. Then state your own view |
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