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the shipment on Friday. I'm sorry you were delayed in finishing the project." You did not say you were responsible, only that you understand the frustration of the other person's being delayed. "I understand the client may cancel the contract over this issue. I hate that. They've spent thousands of dollars with us. It's too bad he insists on that kind of volume discount." You did not say you mishandled the account, only that you regret the client is threatening to cancel. There is a big difference. Empathy with a situation costs nothing and paints you as a reasonable, understanding person. |
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Tip 643: Limit the application of the criticism to your goals while discarding the unusable. |
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Changing takes time, energy, and attention. If someone has criticized you for something other than a simple mistakesuch as your lifestyle, your attitude, or your personalitythen change will take considerable effort. Evaluate the payoff before you decide to tackle such monumental change. What are your personal goals? |
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For example, if the criticizer has said you're a selfish person, do you care? Do you want to become a more giving, generous person? If that's not a personal goal, forget the criticism and save your energy. If the criticizer says you're messy and disorganized, and having a messy, disorganized desk doesn't bother you, forget the comment. Accept their opinion, state that disorganization is causing you or others no problem in life, and then forget the comment. |
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Tip 644: Thank the criticizer for helpful comments. |
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When you know others have your best interests at heart or when they are criticizing you for a simple mistake, accept the comments graciously. Yes, maybe people could offer the comments in a more positive way, and yes, maybe people have failed to acknowledge their own part in a difficulty, but if their comments have benefited you in some way, say so: "Thank you for letting me know this was a problem rather than just taking it to my boss. I appreciate your coming to me first." "I appreciate your perspective on how the situation should have been handled. I'll give it more thought in the future." "Your points are well taken." "I can see how that situation might cause real grief with a bigger customer. I'll be more careful." "I know this discussion was difficult for you too. I appreciate your caring enough to mention the issue to me.'' That's class! |
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