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Tip 645: Ask how the other person would have handled the situation. |
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In a matter-of-fact, not belligerent tone, ask a boss or peers who criticize you how they would have handled a similar situation. Then listen. If your purpose is to argue with their answer, you'll only escalate the situation. But if your purpose is to learn from their comments, you'll present yourself as a reasonable, self-assured, open individual. And, at the least, if the criticizer can't respond with concrete suggestions, your asking and their reflection may change their perception about your competence in the situation. |
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Tip 646: Change the mistakes you alone control. |
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If the criticism involves a mistake, simply go about finding ways to solve the problem. Everybody is entitled to make honest mistakes; everybody is obligated to correct them when they're pointed out. |
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Move into the problem-solving mode rather than wallowing in the mess with: "But nobody told me." "But the situation changed." "Yeah, but I didn't mean to." "How was I supposed to know that X would happen?" ''Your instructions were unclear." "You couldn't have done any better yourself." "Life isn't fair." "Nobody appreciates what I do around here." |
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Tip 647: Rechannel your emotions to concentrate on your mission. |
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Channel any emotional energy from the criticism into action. What are you about? What are your goals with the project, the job, the position? That anger from an unjustified criticism can be put to good use with positive action. Psychologists offer the same advice to those suffering from a tragedy. The parent whose child is murdered by a drunk driver works through grief by serving on a citywide campaign to tighten the drunk-driving laws or organize an escort taxi service for New Year's Eve parties. The same principle can work for you with criticism. Put that emotional energy into proving the other person wrong or into improving your skill, attitude, or behavior. |
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Tip 648: Agree on a plan for change and set timelines. |
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If the person who has offered the criticism is an authority figure whom you must please (boss, team leader, chairperson of a committee), then after your exchange of viewpoints or positions, agree to a new course of action. |
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