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Tip 755: Pull the plug on "Little Discussions" before they mushroom. |
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What starts out as a minor issue can become a major issue fast. A glance. A smirk. A mutter. A shrug. An "Is that all you found wrong with it?" can take on an ominous appearance as quickly as rolling thunderclouds. When others seem on edge, back off. Give them maneuvering room. |
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Tip 756: Deal with conflict promptly. |
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Like hot coals, angry words or bad situations tend to grow hotter when they're allowed to smolder. Friends of mine, a married couple, have a longtime rule in their household of five (two mothers-in-law and a father-in-law, plus the husband and wife): They must deal with any conflict within an hour. If they decide they're too emotional to discuss something immediately when it happens, they call the one-hour cool-down rule, and then resume their conversation about the problem. Things unattended fester. Hearsay happens. Intentions become suspect. Hurt humiliates. The faster you broach the subject, the less infected the wounds. |
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Tip 757: Determine the nature of the conflict. |
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For the most part, conflicts can be divided into five categories: conflicts over personalities, conflicts over goals, conflicts over circumstances, conflicts over facts, and conflicts over values. |
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1. Conflicts over personalities can be solved by pinpointing traits that annoy or work patterns that irritate and by accommodating the other person's trait or style. Because personalities are difficult to change, the best coping strategy may be to limit contact with this person or overlook the habit or trait. |
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2. Conflicts over goals can be best handled by compromise. Creative alternatives allow both people to get their needs met. If both people can't reach their goals, the goals can be modified. |
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3. Conflicts over circumstances are easier than most to handle. Creative thinking will usually generate new limits, new details, or new choices to alter the bad situation. |
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4. Conflicts over facts fade easily. Facts can be verified or refuted. When both people become clear on the facts, their conflict goes away. |
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5. Conflicts over values cannot be resolved. The difference between attitudes and values is generally time. Attitudes change; values have taken |
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