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When the situation is an emergency and you have to act quickly |
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When you have to play the part of "statesman" and enforce unpopular principles or take unpopular actions |
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Collaborate to resolve issues: |
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When the relationship is long-term and the situation will be recurring |
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When both goals are too important to compromise |
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When you need buy-in from both people on the outcome |
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Don't let conflict set you out to sea without knowing the kind of boat you need to get back to shore. Make a conscious choice about how to come to terms with the conflict. Even if you decide to accommodate, you'll do so with a better frame of mind if you realize you have a choice and understand the trade-offs. |
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Tip 763: Don't forgive prematurely. |
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To err is human; to forgive, divine. Just don't confuse forgiveness with forced suppression. Some people dread open conflict so strongly that they'll do anything to avoid itincluding trying to convince themselves that the matter is "no big deal." They smile, accept another's apology, or even tell themselves that no apology is necessary. |
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But the problem keeps gnawing at them. They can't forget it. Their hurt or anger continues to show up in different ways: by sabotaging the success of the other person's project, by talking behind that person's back, by withdrawing their approval from that person, by isolating that person. If you can't forget, don't forgive. Be willing to talk the problem through and get to a real resolution. |
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Tip 764: Set clear expectations. |
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Many conflicts are simply a result of unclear expectations. Managers set standards for employees but don't tell them about those standards. Employees draw up a wish list for their bosses, but don't tell their bosses what would make them happy. Customers take their business elsewhere without giving the seller a chance to change or improve service. |
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When you discover that unstated expectations are at the heart of a conflict, you can empathize with the other's viewpoint: "I know I never explicitly told you to do X, so I know you must feel taken by surprise." "I know we never had a formal agreement for you to do Y." "I clearly understand your confusion now, because the policy was never circulated |
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