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to your department." Once you acknowledge those unstated expectations, the other person can save face and so can you. |
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Outline the expectations relating to any relationshipformal or social. It's difficult to live up to expectations you don't know about and easy to be disappointed when others fail to meet yours. |
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Tip 765: Establish the relationship rule. |
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Manager Melissa says to her counterpart in the next department, "Would you make sure these printouts get stapled together properly before they come to our department for processing?" Manager Kevin snaps, "No, I don't see that that's necessary. Our people don't have any more time than yours to collate and staple." |
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This is not a conflict over stapling printouts; it's a conflict over relationships. |
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Does Melissa have the authority to demand that Kevin do things to suit her? That's the real issue. If she can tell him to staple the printouts, she can tell him how to run other areas of his department that affect her. His impulsive comeback is a reaction to a rule of the relationship he doesn't agree to. Melissa would have done better to remember up front that she had no right to impose or to assume about the relationship. Until both people agree on the rules of their relationshipwhat can be expected, what is an imposition, what should be a request, and what can be demandedthey will continue to clash on various issues. |
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Tip 766: Confront privately on private issues. |
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Discussing someone's shortcomings has no place in a staff meeting, in the hallway, or in front of a colleague or customer at any location. When there's an audience, people begin to play to the galleries. Ego takes over. Pride rears its head. What would have normally elicited a simple, "Oh, I'm sorry; my fault; I should have caught that" will turn into a battle of pride and put-downs when mentioned in public. |
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Tip 767: Move from "Study" to "Act." |
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When you don't know all the facts affecting a specific conflict, you may need to dwell on the problem: When does the problem occur? What is causing the problem? Why is A or B a problem at all? How is the problem affecting others? How much is the problem costing in time, effort, and money? But once all the |
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