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Tip 69: Say what's on your mind without shifting to a hostile tone. |
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When anger threatens to overcome you, breathe deeply, slow down, and lower rather than raise your voice. Your words and opinions will sound firm and factual, not emotional and irrational. |
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Tip 70: Don't switch from "You" to "Me" back to "They" when you want a response about your own situation. |
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A colleague met me in the hall after a speech about productivity with this comment: "You know what you ought to do when you start to work here? You ought to tell them you have to have your own PC at home because otherwise they won't let you switch to flexible hours. I've told them I set personal goals like you advocate in your speech and can be very productive working alone at home. But my boss is old-school; they just don't see how they can manage an at-home employee. You have to be someone they want to hire badly and then use that as a bargaining chip before you look for a job these days." |
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Meaning? When he started off talking about me, I thought he was commenting on the possibility that I might want employment with his company. Then I gathered that he might be talking about his own personal frustration with not getting approval for at-home work. Finally, I concluded that he was expressing a general opinion about how to bargain for at-home workan opinion that perhaps I should share in my next speech. The principle involves ownership. Better to talk to me, about you, or about others with the proper pronounsI, me, you, they, we. |
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Tip 71: Don't tell others how to think or feel. |
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People resent those who presume to read their mindseven if those presumptions are correct. Example: "We know you'll like the carpet we're shipping equally as well" generates an "Oh, yeah?" Example: "Certainly you can appreciate the situation you've put us in" generates "No, I can't.'' Example: "As I'm sure you're aware" triggers "No, I wasn't." Example: "We know you'll find the trip exciting and profitable for all your staff" elicits "I'll be the judge of that." |
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Tip 72: Encourage others to vent emotions so they can clear their minds to hear you. |
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When people "charge" you with angry words, you'll do better to let them have their say than to try to stop the flow in midstream. When they get cut |
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