|
|
|
|
|
|
|
off, they can't listen to the other side of the story or your explanation for wanting you to hear how they feel. Think twice before making these comments: "Please take a few moments to compose yourself, and then we'll talk" or "Just wait a minute, now" or "Stop yelling at me." Instead, encourage others to flush themselves of emotion. They'll be drained of the anger or excitement and better able to hear your response. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Tip 73: Seek out the causes of behavior; They'll be more worthwhile and revealing than the behavior itself. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
When there's a dispute or problem that leads you to question somebody about what was said, to whom, about what, in what circumstance, the tendency is to dwell on the chronological sequence. To resolve the issue quicker and more effectively, try to focus on the "why." Use such probes as "Why do you think Belva said that to you?" "Why did you think I wanted the calendars today?" "What did you think would happen if you told Jerry about the delay?" ''Why did you think replacing the machine would be a better solution than repairing it?" The "whys" are a preventative measure; they tell you how to work around future misunderstandings. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Tip 74: Express an opposing viewpoint to build credibility, to entertain, or to do someone a favor. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Most people get bored with people who always agree with them. Can you imagine trying to read a novel without all the amusing repartee between hero and heroine? Differences of opinion stoke the fire. That same holds true even in a live social setting. My college-age son, contemplating dumping his current girlfriend for a new one, recently remarked: "You know I can talk to Patty even better than Carole. Carole just says what she thinks I want to hear. Patty really tells me what she thinks." |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
It's not an opposing opinion that upsets most people; they react negatively only when that opinion is conveyed with a haughty, hostile, or negative attitude. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Tip 75: Be tactful, not offensive or insensitive. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
To be more specific: When you're brief, be polite. If you're aggressive, smile when you say it. If you're emphatic, be pleasant with the command or opinion. If you're negative, be diplomatic with your word choice. If you're right, don't rub it in. |
|
|
|
|
|