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Tip 771: Determine what happened, what you have concluded about what happened, and what you feel about what happened. |
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If people start giving you facts, ask them to interpret those facts. What conclusions have they come to from those facts? If people start giving you opinions, ask what facts they are basing those opinions on. If people have difficulty articulating the facts and opinions, ask them for feelings. How do they feel about what has happened or about the situation. When people express strong feelings, paraphrase those feelings back to them to verify that you have understood and that those are their true feelings. Then ask them for the events or facts underlying those feelings. |
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The idea is to help yourself and others distinguish between what actually happened, what they have concluded about what happened, or what they feel about what happened. In the process, you'll often uncover hidden, invalid assumptions, wrong interpretations, and inaccurate information. You'll get closer and closer to seeing what needs to be changed or corrected. |
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Tip 772: Challenge a power play with inattention. |
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Inattention is the least expensive, easiest to use, and fastest weapon used to control a power play. If you don't believe it, watch a waitress at the local restaurant or a flight attendant on your next airplane trip handle an obnoxious customer that way. Simply ignore a person's requests, threats, or demands. |
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Tip 773: Work with people's "Want tos" along with their "Do Its." |
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Bad attitudes. We recognize them when we see them, but they're hard to define. That's why a problem resolved does not always feel like a problem resolved. Only the action has changed, not the person's attitude. A little girl tottered and weaved as she tiptoed along a ledge high above a canyon ravine. Her father asked her to get down, but she continued her effort to walk the narrow ledge. Finally, her father reached up and physically pulled her off the dangerous ledge and set her back on the picnic bench beside him. She screwed her face into a pout, "In my heart, I'm still standing up there." |
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On the job, it goes like this: Vonda misses several staff meetings, and Barry, her boss, tells her how important it is that she be there regularly and participate in decisions. Vonda starts coming to the meetings, but she |
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