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arrives late, leaves early, and sits in silence. Barry would do well to express disappointment in both the "do it" and the "want to." |
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An elderly patient in the dentist's office wisely pinpointed the same problem with the receptionist. The patient paused briefly at the receptionist's window and handed her the charge slip. "Would you please file this on my insurance as usual," she said and started to walk away. |
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"We don't normally file insurance," the receptionist answered rather haughtily. |
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"Yes, ma'am, you've always filed on my insurance." |
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"We don't normally do it. It's just a courtesy if we do it. We're not set up to do it." |
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"Well, I'd like you to do it again, please." |
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"I don't have your policy number." |
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"It surely is in my file because no one has asked me for it before. You must have a record somewhere." |
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"Do you know how much your deductible is?" |
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"No, I don't. But that's probably in my file also." |
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"I can't file your insurance unless you bring in proof of having met your deductible and your policy number. We don't normally file. It's not our policy to do so." |
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"Yes, but I'd like you to do it, as always." |
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"That's not normally our policy." |
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After another two or three rounds of this repetition, the elderly patient finally cut to the heart of the matter. "Let me understand this. You said you'd file it, but it wasn't your policy to do so. I'm getting the message that you don't want to but that if I push you really hard and insist, you will." The receptionist blushed and took the charge slip. |
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The problem was the "want to," not the "do it." When you understand that, you can choose an appropriate coping technique. Such problems will not be resolved until the attitude behind the action or inaction changes. Plan to deal with both in any conflict. |
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Tip 774: Stand on the sidelines of territorial conflict. |
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If you're having difficulties with people because they feel territorial, respect their boundaries. If they own the turf, get off it immediately. Take your cue from lines like these: "We don't report to Mr. Big." "That's my decision, and I'll make it." "Those requests have to come through me.'' "You're talking about my budget." "Those are our accounts to maintain." Yes, territorial people are petty and they generate a lot of laughs from those watching, but they do have the final say. Grant their wishes and meet their ego needs. Stand aside and ask "permission." |
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