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"You were trying to put one over on us, weren't you? That's why you withheld the accident report. Did you think you could get away with that indefinitely?" A stab at their integrity brings a denial and a torrent of anger. |
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TV reruns can make a rainy Saturday afternoon's entertainment, but stay with current issues during bouts of conflict. Yes, what has happened in the past colors what happens in the future, but to discuss all the details from past run-ins gets you nowhere. Memories are fallible. The context of earlier problems also becomes muddled. Stay current. |
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Tip 791: Keep to one issue. |
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Don't dump a decade's gripes into one discussion or you'll never get to the bottom of the current issue. Past details and experiences, while possibly relevant to why one or the other person feels or believes a certain way, will only confuse the issue. Response is next to impossible. You simply can't remember and process all that's being said. One discussion, one issue. |
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Tip 792: Forget verbal ultimatums. |
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Communicating to understand differs from communicating to control. Ultimatums hinge on manipulation and control. "If I do not hear from you by two o'clock this afternoon, I will cancel the extension on the contract." When someone communicates with an intention to control, threaten, hurt, or produce guilt in the other person, that person has missed the purpose of communication. The person may succeed in controlling but will fail in building understanding and repairing the relationship. Resentment will root out any good that may come from the resolution. |
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Tip 793: Ask for what you want from the people who can give it. |
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People complain to coworkers "I wish my boss would let us have an occasional party around here." "I wish my husband would get this car fixed." ''I wish that receptionist would get my name right." "I wish the people who use this refrigerator to store their lunches would clean it out occasionally." But they never get around to telling the person who can do something about the situation. |
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