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Years ago when I worked on a military base in Okinawa, I reported to a GS-16 civilian boss who enjoyed having his comrades drop by to visit. During these social chats, he would frequently leave the door open between our offices while he and the friend swapped stories and escapades. Embarrassed at overhearing the conversations, I continued to complainat home, not to the boss. Finally, my husband called the boss and calmly explained that such conversations embarrassed me and asked the boss to close the door during these visits. Expecting rather cool treatment the next morning and angry at my husband for taking such "confrontational" action without telling me, I had a surprise waiting. The boss stepped into my office, apologized for the offensive language and stories, and began to close the door during such visits. No grudges. No repercussions. No problem. And all just for the asking. |
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People complain, but they seldom state what they want to the person involved. They talk behind their backs, pout, threaten, hint, and hope. But they don't ask. Try stating exactly how you feel about a situation directly to the person or people involved and ask them to make a change. You might be surprised how easy it is to get what you want. |
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Tip 794: Don't assume the other person understands your point of view. |
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No matter if you think the issues and repercussions of someone's action are obvious, state them. Don't assume. What is obvious to you is not necessarily obvious to the other person. |
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Tip 795: Listen until you experience the other side of an issue. |
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At a Boulder, Colorado, church one of the women had the most irritable dispositions I'd ever encountered. In addition to having a long face and sad eyes, she complained about the kids "making noise" in the nursery, about the money "wasted on the teenagers' programs," about the time spent on marital counseling that could be "better spent on the needy." Then one day she mentioned a past tragedy in her life. When she was born, her mother died. As a result, she had projected onto other parents and children all of her bitterness about not having a mother. |
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Her complaining became understandable to me. |
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Recently, we called a technician to take a look at an air-conditioner at home. When I came in from work that evening, I saw his mess. Rusty-looking splatters of water covered the kitchen cabinets, appliances, and floor. Obviously, he hadn't cleaned up after himself, I decided. I was perturbed as I scrubbed up the rusty mess. But when he returned the next day to finish the repair job on the air-conditioner, he explained. "Sorry, I left such a mess |
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