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Tact calls for two essentials: You have to be alert enough to know when tact is necessaryto be sensitive to people's self-esteem. And you have to be quick-witted enough to come up with graceful wording. |
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Tip 76: Don't ask others to cover up for your insensitivity. |
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Administrative assistants and secretaries will have a special place in heaven for their role in softening the blow to others' self-esteem caused by insensitive bosses who "can't be bothered about feelings when there's work to be done." |
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Tip 77: Consider the price of "Nice." |
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When you, for whatever reason, decide to be "nice" as a way of life, you may be doing yourself and the other person serious harm. If you make a habit of not speaking up to disagree, not stating your feelings, not making waves about the action that involves you, you often grow resentful. And that resentment frequently leaks out in other waysby sabotaging projects, by withdrawing emotionally from the person, by doing less than your best, by exploding over minor issues. |
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As a result, when you later respond with anger, you seem emotional, and your behavior is labeled "inappropriate." Worse, feelings on both sides of the relationship grow cold. No one can always identify with the truly submissive, withdrawn, angry personthe relationship withers. |
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Tip 78: Verify assumptionsyour own and those of others. |
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A manufacturer's rep was puzzled by the client who refused to accept a "line through" on his quotation for furniture. When the customer changed his mind about the color of a product, the rep told him simply to ink through the change and return the contract, thinking the customer would value the speed in getting his furniture ordered and delivered. On the contrary, the customer delayed placing his order for another three days while the rep sent a clean contract with the one-item change. Why neatness over speed? The purchasing agent's boss valued neat paperwork and considered inked changes "sloppy work." So much for assumptions about what customers value. |
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