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The answers to these questions should give you a good handle on whether you control your emotions or whether your emotions control you. More important, the answers may pinpoint the root of ongoing conflicts. |
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Tip 800: Define the areas of agreement or disagreement. |
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Good negotiators understand success: They start on the easy issues and move to the more difficult points. Likewise, when discussing a conflict, begin by confirming the areas of agreement. That might mean confirming undisputed facts or shared goals for the outcome. Finding that you do agree on some issues gives momentum to take you through the harder issues. |
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Example: "Mandy, as I see it, we both think the employee survey is a good idea. And we agree that the wording of each question is important and will drastically affect the way our people will answer the questions. And we're together in wanting the results tabulated by December 1, correct? Okay, then our main differences involve whether we should pay a psychologist to help construct the survey and how long the survey should be." The sum total is three down, two to go. Encouraging. |
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Tip 801: Don't interrupt the other person, and don't let the other person interrupt you. |
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Some people think they're saving time by interrupting you in a recitation of the details when they already know them. Don't permit such interruptions: "Margie, I want to finish explaining what I consider to be the problem." Say it in a matter-of-fact tone and keep talking. This assertiveness establishes you as a person with a right to be heard. And remember if you're the person doing the interrupting, the issue is not time, nor even "your version." The goal is to hear both versions of an event or situation, to piece the truth together, and to sort out the feelings. |
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Tip 802: Take turns for airtime. |
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For all the griping and complaining from drivers ensnarled in traffic or those people taking mass transit, most would agree that the time involved is their ownat least mentally. It is uninterrupted time for listening to radio, reading, talking, or thinking. |
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When involved in a conflict, try the same principle. Give each other uninterrupted time to talk, say five or ten minutes, and then take turns. You'll |
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