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You cannot sit on the fence and overlook the battleground without getting mud splashed on you from time to time. Those around you will have a conflict of goals, needs, values, or personalities. Having some connection or responsibility to both, you'll feel the need to intervene and do your part to mend relationships between coworkers or friends. If you handle the chore with skill, you can contain the conflict. If you handle it poorly, the situation may escalate to such an extent that you yourself become the enemy of both. The following guidelines will help keep you from falling off the fence. |
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Tip 810: Intervene only when asked; Proceed with caution. |
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And even then, think twice. Most conflicts are best handled by the two people involved unless their difficulty affects the atmosphere or productivity of others. When you intervene needlessly, you may find yourself in the thankless position of giving it your best shot and ending up with both people angry at you. |
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Tip 811: Avoid "Taking Sides" and talking the opposition over to the other viewpoint. |
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Work with both individuals from the very beginning. You may decide to meet with both people together or separately. If you decide to meet with each separately, be sure that both understand that what they share with you may not necessarily be withheld from the other person. You will have to use information from one person to verify and clarify with the other. If you don't warn them up front, they may lose confidence in your impartiality and think you are breaking their confidences. |
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Tip 812: Play the role of reporter; Go for the five ws. |
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Try to discover all the facts in a situation. Ask: who, what, where, why, when, how, how much? You can only begin to make sense of someone else's conflict when armed with the unbiased versions of events and circumstances. An even better approach than asking the two people involved is to unobtrusively ask "innocent bystanders" about the issues. Be careful, of course, that you don't just collect the data that was passed on to them from the other people directly involved. Probe for what they know or have observed firsthand. Identify facts, assumptions, assertions, and feelings. They all count. |
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