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Tip 813: Listen to each person's criticism of the other. |
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Why? Because each pile of criticism contains at least a grain of truth. Even if the whole of it misses the mark, you'll gain insights to follow up and examine more closely. When listening to the complaints of each, however, make sure that you remain neutral and do not let your body language convey that you agree with these criticisms. With only a nod, you may be surprised later to discover that one or the other of the two people "claims" you as their ally for having "agreed" with their recounting and charges. |
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Tip 814: Pass along complimentary things each person has said or believed about the other in the past and express your confidence in their willingness to come to a resolution. |
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If you can pass on complimentary remarks from the current discussions with each person, do so. If not, you may have to dig into the past to find these gems. "Jill, Martin does respect your work. If you recall, last summer he asked to be assigned to your team on the soft drink campaign for the radio ads." Or: "Gloria agrees that you've always been fair in dealings with her, that you've never tried to force her to travel on projects that she felt another staff member could handle. She appreciates your sensitivity on that issue." |
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The purpose of passing on such comments is to help people recall their past good relationship, if there has been one. Sharing positive remarks adds credence to other things the person says. If someone is honest and willing to admit or confirm the good, chances are they're honestas they see itabout the problem. |
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Tip 815: Restate common goalsagain and again. |
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Focus on their common goals. Examples: "Joel, Marie, both of you want to see this client go to the proposal stage. You both have creative ideas to contribute about how we might analyze the client's financial systems. Both of you want to protect the client's privacy and both of you want to make the sale." Or: "Doug, you are concerned with cutting costs this quarter. Jerry, you have the same interest." They need constant reminders of where they're goingthe finish line. |
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