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We make similar invalid assumptions almost daily. As a newlywed, I stumbled to the kitchen at 4:00 a.m. to cook my college-student husband a full breakfast before he went off to his roofing job. About two months into the routine, I left the kitchen a moment and then returned to see my husband scraping his scrambled eggs into the disposal. "What's the matter? They weren't done right?" I asked. |
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"Then why didn't you eat them?" |
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"Honey, I'm sorry. I just have trouble eating eggs and toast at 4:00 a.m." |
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"But I thought you said you liked a big breakfast? That your mom always cooked you a big breakfast?" |
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"I did. But that wasn't at 4:00 a.m." |
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No more early mornings for me in the kitchen. |
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Of course, we don't become aware of assumptions until something happens to let us know those assumptions are not shared. It's impossible to verify all assumptions before taking action or responding and impossible to trace assumptions back to what exactly led us to make them. The goal is to be alert to the pitfalls. |
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Example: "I noticed you didn't turn in any referrals for prospects on the new accounts. Does that mean you're upset about the compensation program?" Such a probe gives the other person responsibility to deny or verify such feelings. |
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If someone winks and says to you, "I heard the pilot had a difficult time landing the plane because of a 'temporary physical condition,' " what would you think? That the pilot was intoxicated? Or would you consider pregnancy? Did you consider that the pilot might be female? |
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We typically assume everybody sees things as we do, values the same things we do, wants the same things we do. Assumptions blind us, limit our thinking, and bring us to wrong conclusions. |
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Tip 79: Check out inferences. |
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We hear words; we draw conclusions from those words. That can be a critical communication gaffe. Make a habit of checking out what you think the words, tone of voice, body language, and context mean. You could be right; you could be wrong. |
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Manager: "I still have not seen your report." (The statement could be an observation, yet it contains the word "still" as if the manager might be exasperated.) |
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Employee: "I'm sorry. We had three people out this week. Are you wondering if the project is going to be finished on time?" (The employee checks out the manager's real concern.) |
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