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Women talk more about people than things. In our culture, females grow up with permission to express frustration, disappointment, or pain. They express their feelings, get them out, and move on to other things. |
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Males have been taught to suppress such feelings; unlike women, they hold on to those feelings longer under the surface. Yes, even after two decades of discussions about "the sensitive male," men's conversations still lean toward the factual rather than the personal. "Personal" does not necessarily mean "intimate," but rather simply off-the-record comments about personal activities, likes, dislikes, fears, hopes, or plans. Men talk more about things than about people. |
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Neither type of conversationfacts or feelings, people or thingsis best; the issue involves sharing conversation for whatever relationship you want to create. |
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Result: (1) Women share feelings to create intimacy. When men don't reciprocate, women think men are intentionally creating distance. (2) Women do not often consider colleagues or customers close friends if they have never discussed personal topics and issues. |
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Tip 908 (for women): Share both facts and feelings. |
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Model the sharing you want. Continue to share both facts and feelings in conversation so men will be encouraged to reciprocate. |
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Tip 909 (for women): Don't assume that when men do not share feelings they are trying to create distance. |
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Attribute a man's reluctance to share personal informationfor example, his regret that he missed his son's ball game because of work-related travelto discomfort with rather than disinterest in building camaraderie. |
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Tip 910 (for women): Talk more about things with men. |
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You can always start with the day's newspaper headlines and trade facts or opinions. |
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