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Tip 914 (for women): When mentioning a problem, be specific about whether you're soliciting support or a solution. |
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Examples: ''Got a minute? I need to blow off a little steam. That inventory system is archaic. It cost me two hours of overtime yesterday." "I'm so angry I could bite nails and not even taste the iron. Listen to what Jason said about . . ." Make it clear you're just passing on information, not asking for answers: "Yeah, yeah, I know how to handle him. I just didn't want to have to terminate him. I'm just complaining to a 'safe' person, you know what I mean?" |
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Tip 915 (for women): Interpret solution-giving as Supportive. |
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Consider a man's attempt at solving a problem itself a sign of empathetic support. After all, solutions take as much time as expressions of "ain't it awful?". |
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Tip 916 (for women): When a man mentions a problem, offer options, not just empathy. |
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Examples: "Well, as I see it, you've got two choices. . . ." "Have you thought about talking to Joe in HR about hiring some help?" |
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Tip 917 (for women): When a man mentions a problem, do not editorialize with "Shoulds" and "Oughts" about past actions and future actions. |
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When your assessment of the predicament indicates that the whole problem could have been avoided, the temptation is to tell a man "helpful" things for next time. Example: "Rather than just signing a blank authorization next time, you should call to ask if you can examine the written documentation before you purchase the software." Such a comment makes the other person feel stupid and inadequate for the current problem. |
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Tip 918 (for women): Make sure men know you are not necessarily blaming them when you state a problem. |
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You may consider the following comment simply a statement of fact to which you expect a commensurate empathetic statement: "I ran out of gas this afternoon in the company car." Because men see themselves as prob- |
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