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lem solvers, a likely response might be: "Well, it's not my job to check it before we sign you out. We expect the user to do that." To lessen the defensiveness, add a lead-in to such comments: "I didn't check the gas gauge before I left in the company car you signed out for me. I ran out of gas." The pressure is off. |
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Tip 919 (for men): When mentioning a problem, be specific about what kind of response you want. |
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Examples: "I forgot to find out the name of the furniture broker Harry says he prefers. Do you know anyone else who would know?" "I've had to work overtime four nights in a row because I couldn't figure out a way to schedule all the dinner breaks for my people in the shorter days. What do you use in your departmenta manual system or a computer scheduling package?" The idea is to end the problem statement with a request for a solution. |
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Tip 920 (for men): Interpret empathy-giving as supportive. |
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Empathy takes as much time as suggestions. Accept it, and then ask for suggestions specifically. |
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Tip 921 (for men): When a woman mentions a problem, offer empathy, not just solutions. |
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Examples: "Well, I gather you think he treated you unfairly under the circumstances. You must be concerned Bryan won't come through with the raise you needed." End of thought. End of discussionunless she specifically asks for more help. |
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Tip 922 (for men): When a woman mentions a problem, don't editorialize about how to solve all future problems. |
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Squelch the temptation to add: "You know, you should have never let Bryan gloss over that morale problem in his department a year ago. And if it comes up again, you should . . ." |
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