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we eventually had to do was . . ." Pass on information as "personal experience" and hope men use it. |
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Tip 930 (for men): Don't equate help or information with status. |
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Will Rogers was the first to admit: "Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects." |
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Tip 931 (for men): Weigh speed, accuracy, and results against delays and status. |
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Remind yourself of your ultimate goal and consider asking for help or information a necessary step in accomplishing it. |
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SYMPATHY: SUPPORT OR PUT-DOWN? |
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Women love company with their misery. They share misfortunes, great and small, to elicit support and build camaraderie. When others, in turn, respond with similar stories of their own misfortunes, women feel encouraged and "not alone" in their predicaments. Misfortune makes best friends. |
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Men have a different view. Unless the relationship with the other person is already a close one, most men do not feel comfortable sharing troubles. Because they seek to gain admiration, misfortunesparticularly those they can't control, such as poor health or loss of a jobremind them they are not in total control of their lives. Misfortunes and related comments may be blows to a man's self-esteem. |
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Results: (1) Women offer sympathy freely to men, thinking their sympathy is supportive. (2) Men sometimes feel humiliated by a sympathetic comment, as if someone were "rubbing salt in the wound." |
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Tip 932 (for women): Test for receptivity and sensitivity before offering sympathy. |
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If you don't know someone particularly well, broach the subject generally. If a man doesn't mention the problem you're aware of, don't bring it up yourself. Or, prefer to offer sympathy in general to "anonymous others." Example: "With layoffs so common these days, people are really in a tight spot. It's always more difficult to look for a job when you don't have one." |
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