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courtroom lawyers addressing the jury; the sprawlers, who tend to take up more than their fair share of space; the tired, who stand or sit as if they hardly have energy to hold themselves upright. |
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Good posture, on the other hand, conveys self-confidence and competence. Your control of a group or a situation can be won or lost by the image you present as you stand, walk, or sit. |
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Tip 1033: Keep appropriate distance. |
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Edward T. Hall has done extensive research on proper distances in our culture. Patting someone on the back, letting a friend cry on your shoulder, and reading a report over someone's shoulder represent intimate distancestouching range. Personal distance, from 1 to 4 feet, is appropriate for conversations you don't want to have overheardlike a problem shared in confidence. Social distance, about 4 to 12 feet, is comfortable when conversing with others when you don't mind if people overhearat a cocktail party or in a sales presentation to a customer. Public distance, farther than 12 feet, is when we tell our children, "Don't shout; he'll see us and come over in a minute." We use public distance to establish formality and control when speaking before a group. |
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Conversing from the correct distance makes the difference in your control, authority, and rapport. That's why speakers who want to maintain authority step up on a podium away from individuals and in front of the larger group. When they want to build trust with an audience and establish an easy, open, informal dialogue, they move down among the audience. |
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Space is no less important for you when you're communicating one on oneespecially when communicating with those of another culture, gender, or age. For example, women tend to sit next to people they like; men tend to sit facing people they like. Have you noticed that if women want more space, they tend to put things (coats, briefcase, papers) in the seat beside them to prevent others from joining them? When men have the same intentions, they block the seat in front of or behind them. Children and older people prefer to sit and stand closer to others than people of middle age. Extroverts stand and sit closer to others; introverts stand and sit farther away. |
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Awareness of these differences prevents you from making others feel as if they're being either "invaded" or ignored. People tend to trespass in our territory in one of three ways: (1) They "clutter" our space with their things, (2) they use and seem to take over what's ours, or (3) they step inside our personal bubble of space. For example, a salesperson who "towers" too close to a customer may intimidate her. Generally, the closer the relationship and the more comfortable people are with each other, the less personal space they need between them. The more discomfort or stress in the relationship, the more space they need. Be aware of all these trespasses in others' territories and the discomfort and anger they create. |
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