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calls for it: "Do you agree that we should do X?" "Will it be an inconvenience if I run back by my office for a moment?" "Don't let me speak for youdo you agree?" "Do you have a problem with my doing X? I can certainly wait if you think that's best." |
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Tip 187: Use the ben franklin technique to win a friend. |
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Ben Franklin grew frustrated with a rival printer who seemed always to oppose him on any issue he favored in legislative gatherings. But Franklin determined to make a friend of him. Books in those days were hard-to-come-by treasures. So Ben Franklin knocked on his rival's door and explained that he did not own a copy of a particular book and asked the enemy if he'd be so kind as to lend his copy. Quite shocked at the humility and request, the enemy loaned him the book. Franklin took the book home, kept it for a week, and then returned it with his thanks. The rival became his friend, proving Franklin right on an effective way to win people over. |
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Asking for favors takes humility. Showing humility allows the other person to feel benevolent and/or powerful. With those ego strokes, much of the hostility in a relationship melts. An additional reminder: Be sure the favor is one that requires little time, money, or effort. |
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Tip 188: Take the pressure off others when they make an unintended gaffe. |
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Someone says to you, "Did you see that new brochure they came out with? It looks like something out of a 1950 Sears catalogfine print, no color." When they discover that you designed the brochure, they'll feel as though somebody punched them in the stomach. And the pain of embarrassment will be associated with youeven though the words came from their mouth. In such cases, be magnanimous. Laugh it off. Use a light retort, such as "Yeah, it only won honorable mention at home as well." |
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If the gaffe is serious enough, share your own blunders to let him or her know you identify with the embarrassment. The offender will be grateful for a long, long time. To any other observers, you'll look like a class act. |
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Tip 189: Select the setting that suits your purpose. |
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A conversation in the hallway around the watercooler takes on a more ominous tone in the boss's office. A telephone complaint doesn't sound as serious as a written one. A challenge from the lectern packs more punch than one behind a gold club on the green. |
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