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all possible. If the money is in a checking account and you know the account is nearly emptied every month to pay bills, do not withdraw any part of that money. You will create financial havoc if checks bounce. |
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14. Consider canceling charge cards. If you are the party responsible for paying credit card bills, consider canceling your accountsor at least reducing the spending limit. In one case, the husband's announcement that he wanted a divorce sent the wife on a $12,000 shopping spree. In the final analysis, he had to pay for the fur coat, the VCR, and the Jacuzzi (installed, incidentally, in a house he stood to lose). If you cancel or reduce lines of credit, of course, you must inform your spouse to save embarrassment, and later, anger. You can say the family needs to cut back, which is probably going to be true. |
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15. Decide how you want to tell your spouse. Here you may need professional advice or advice from a battle-worn friend. Would your partner accept the news more easily in a public place, such as a restaurant, or in the privacy of your home? One husband we know delayed telling his wife he wanted a divorce because she threatened suicide each time he mentioned separating. The wife was an unsuccessful actress with a flair for the dramatic who dropped her suicide threats once the husband agreed she could take over their apartment. Still, some threats must be dealt with seriously. If you feel your announcement will send your spouse off the deep end, be sure that you have consulted a professional counselor beforehand. Although there is often no way to lessen the hurt and rejection, a professional therapist might be able to supply you with strategies for leaving your spouse with as much of your self-esteem as possible intact. |
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16. Decide how you want to tell the children, and when you do tell your spouse the news, present your plan. You may want to consult with a professional about this. (For more details, see Chapter 16.) Would the news be best coming from the two of you together, or from one of you along? One husband we know planned to tell the children that he was moving out on Christmas. He thought that would be a good time because the whole family would be together. His lawyer tactfully suggested he choose a different day. |
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17. Take property that belongs to you and safeguard it, even by moving it out of the house. High school year books, collections, jewelry, computer disks, your collection of Beatles albums, your grandmother's family heirlooms, whateverif it indisputably belongs to you and you fear your spouse may take it for spite or leverage, move it out of the house. If you have several such items, move them out slowly, over time, before you announce your plans. Depending on the size of the objects, you might store them in a safe deposit box, a storage facility, or the home of a trusted friend. |
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