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judge that she was an involved parent, she wrote long letters to her children's court-appointed law guardian, berating her husband for trying to cut her out of the picture. |
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Andrea conveniently forgot that she was the one who had moved away from her children. More to the point, if she had spent as much time writing letters to her children as she spent writing to their law guardian, her relationship with them would have been much closer, in reality, than anything formal decision-making rights would have given her. |
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What's important in the final analysis is your relationship with your children, over which you should have significant control. |
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Joint Versus Sole Custody: The Pros and Cons of Each |
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For the sake of the children, the goals of parents divorcing should be the same: involvement of both parents in the lives of the children and elimination of conflict between the parents. These two factors dominate all others when thinking about custody. |
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In the 1980s, there was a trend in many states toward joint custody, where both parents jointly decide on major issues regarding their children. Sometimes, joint custody includes an equal, or close to equal, living |
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arrangement with each parent. Even if there is joint physical custody, the actual time spent with each parent can vary widely. |
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With sole custody, one parent has the final say in the decision-making for the children and the children primarily reside with the parent that has sole custody. |
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In the last 15 years, psychologists have had enough time to do long-term studies on the outcome for families in joint custody and sole custody arrangements. Here are three of the most important findings of these studies: |
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1. Joint custody is a viable option only if the parents have an amicable relationship with each other, communicate well, and live in close proximity. Parents in this situation feel more involved in their children's lives than the noncustodial parent in the sole custody arrangement. In a family where one parent says black and the other parent says white, the children are better off with a sole-custody arrangement to reduce the possibility that their parents will fight over every decision that has to be made on their behalf. |
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