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The feelings you would have in our scenario will be close to the real feelings children with new stepparents will have until they have completely adjusted to their parents being with a different partner. This scenario will be less harsh if you or your spouse have taken a good deal of time introducing your new partner to your children. |
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2. If your children feel that their importance to you has been overshadowed by your new family, reassure them that their relationship with you is special and that nothing and no one can replace them. Tell them that they're number one with you. The capacity for your children to build future relationships depends on how you treat them and deal with them now. This is not true for your new spouse. He or she is an adult and should understand that the needs of your children come first. |
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3. The stepparent is not the children's parent. Your children should not be expected to view your new spouse as a parent. They already have a mother and a father. Also, children resent being disciplined by stepparents. It is the parent who must discipline the children. From the stepparents' point of view, it would be artificial for them to think they could have as deep an attachment to somebody else's children as they do to their own. |
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4. The relationship between your children and their stepparent must grow naturally. Expecting too much, too soon is bound to ruffle feathers. Over time, with patience, understanding, and being there for the children without being pushy, a relationship will grow and take its own course. |
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In the incisive story, Another Cinderella, writer Norman Stiles creates a fractured fairy tale. Here, Cinderella lives with a good stepmother and great stepsiblings. They can't do enough for her. They don't let her lift a finger around the house, and they even do her homework for her. Her stepmother buys her a beautiful gown and glass slippers for the Prince's ball and rents her a coach and white steeds and two coachmen to boot. (She was called Cinderella because she watched her stepfamily clean the cinders from the fireplace.) But with all this support and care, no matter what her stepfamily did for Cinderella, they could not stop her from crying. She cried day and night. Finally, Cinderella's Fairy Godmother appeared with her magic wand. She turned all the beautiful things Cinderella had into ordinary things, including her gown and her glass slippers. She turned the coach into a pumpkin and the coachmen into mice. Cinderella's stepfamily didn't understand why the Fairy Godmother was undoing all the beautiful things they had provided. The Fairy |
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