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6. In time, if you are able to let go of the pain and put it into a larger perspectivea world where trusting relationships can existyou will be able to trust again. Why shouldn't you be among the people holding hands walking down the street? It is not as impossible as it might seem to you today. |
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For 15 years after her marriage ended, Carey had brief, sporadic, affairs. At first, her inability to trust caused these relationships to end. Later, it was sheer inertia. But, she was happy and quite productive at work and never gave a lot of thought to her scattered love life. One day, she went on a business trip to California. She sat next to a good-looking man, Michael, on the plane and struck up a friendly conversation. It turned out they had a lot in common, especially astrology and new-age theories. They didn't stop talking for the entire trip. At the end of the flight, they exchanged phone numbers. When they returned to their respective homes, Michael phoned and they talked for hours. Carey experienced feelings she thought were long gone, never to emerge again. They married soon after and are still madly in love! |
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Roberta came from a family of doctors and lawyers, but she herself barely finished high school. She did have a special degree, though, from the school of hard knocks. |
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Her story provided the cautionary tale for others in her family who thought of marrying too soon, too rashly, or against the conventional family advice. Roberta had literally eloped with Frank, fleeing the judgment of her parents. For years she worked as a dental assistant while Frank, always in search of his true calling, floated from job to job. When Roberta gave birth to Frank Jr. and then to Brian, however, the situation demanded that Frank Sr. go out and get a real, paying job. Bristling under the pressure, he drifted into an affair and then out of Roberta's life. |
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Although family members helped pay the bills, Roberta, determined to stay home with her children until the youngest reached age six, went on welfare. Lonely and depressed, she also put on weight, a great deal of it. Her children did, of course, grow up, but through the years, Roberta kept the weight on and looked to Prozac to get her through the day. Finally, at age 50, she took off the pounds and soon met a man, ten years her junior, who had been divorced himself. Engaged by Roberta's wit and natural intelligence and comforted by her interest and empathy, he felt fortunate when she agreed to marry him. They are still married to this day. |
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Making Your Second Marriage Work |
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Take heart in the number of divorced people who marry a second time. There are so many! Even if the tunnel seems endless now, there's likely to be a light at the end. If you |
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