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notstore your clothes, jewelry, and other possessions in the dresser drawer, especially if you plan to use them on a daily or weekly basis. Instead, choose a spot, be it the den, the guest room, or even the basement, and move all your clothes and possessions there so that you and your spouse have as little negative interaction as possible. |
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In many cases, the wife or husband who moves out of the bedroom stomps in every morning at 5:00, slamming doors and turning on lights. And that's just for starters. But obviously, this sort of behavior helps no one. |
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If you have been advised by your attorney to stay in the house with your spouse, and, if you can swing it emotionally, try to do so as amicably as is humanly possible. One psychologist we have interviewed even suggests Yogic breathing exercises as a means of dealing with the stress this sort of situation brings. Remember, your code word is equanimity. Of course it will be difficult, but adding any more hatred or animosity to the marital pot is toxic. |
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If life in the house is intolerable and you know custody is not in the cards for you, a move may be well advised. It could take a year to three years for your divorce to be final, and neither you nor your spouse could cope with one to three more years of tension. More important, it's not good for the children. Again, check with your lawyer before making a decision. |
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Before you move, discuss the division of personal property with your spouse. You may not be able to take anything with you yet (one woman stayed with ten friends during the twelve weeks it took her to locate an affordable apartment), but at least you'll both understand that by moving out, you are not giving up your rights to property. Your lawyer might want this in writing. If you do not have a lawyer, write down that you are not giving up any rights by moving out and ask your spouse to sign what you've written. |
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If life in the house is intolerable and you want custody of the children, talk to your lawyer about moving out with the children. Your lawyer might want to first obtain an order from a judge giving you temporary custody of the children, thereby giving you the right to take the kids with you when you leave. |
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